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this post reminded me of another post that you wrote not too long ago where you were upset because your drinking bottle broke. in it you called your drinking bottle a baby bottle.

then you went in search of a real live baby doll and cant find one. you want one to get closer to your childhood.

and you are now considering getting a new baby bottle with out getting a baby doll.

if its upsetting you this much because you dont have a drinking bottle that you can call a baby bottle I say who cares if it's weird or not.

there are lots of adults that have baby bottles, for their self, for their pets, for their real children, and for roll playing, some college classes require an activity that includes baby bottles.

I bet if you did a google search on "adult baby" you would find lots of websites that sell adult sized baby equipment. some sites are a bit x rated because there is an adult baby roll playing in intimacy life too.

As for real baby dolls Im taking a guess here based on the progression of your posts that no dolls that mimic real life would work for what you want it for.

at some point whether we like it or not we have to admit that the past is over, that our abusive childhoods are in the past and nothing can recreate our good and bad aspects of our abusive childhoods. I once went in search of something from my childhood and when I actually found it I discovered now that I was close to my childhood I wanted nothing to do with it because of the memories of abuse came flooding back.

my suggestion dont worry about trying to find a real live baby doll. they dont match up to our mental images anyway of ourselves as babies or the dolls we had as children.

you want a baby bottle to replace the one that broke, go get a baby bottle. they make adult size ones too.