I have a lot of negative thoughts right now... I just got a promotion at work, and so far, everyone seems to think I’m doing really well. But what if I blow it??? I feel so anxious about it. I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I make a massive mistake. I feel like it’ll be a complete disaster and they’ll regret promoting me in the first place. I’ll just be a huge mistake. Speaking of huge, I checked my weight today— I won’t say what it is because I don’t feel like being the laughing stock of this forum. But it’s really high. The problem is, as someone who’s struggled with every eating disorder you can think of, I don’t know how to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I’m always yo-yoing between anorexia/bulimia and binge eating. From 2014-2018, I lived on under 300 calories a day (I know that because I religiously kept track) and exercised with sprained ankles and pink eye, etc. Now I don’t exercise at all and I binge eat, usually at night when I get home from work. I know it’s really bad for my health to constantly be doing that, but I don’t know any other way. I seem to have no concept of what a healthy relationship with my body is. Yet another thing that proves I am a failure. I just wish my inner freakin monologue would shut up sometimes.

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