I meant to post to this earlier. I too have done what the original poster has done. I took a handful of xanax and I think sprinkled in some seroquel in there for fun. I just wanted the noise to stop as well. At that time, it was too much to deal with. I luckily woke up the next day, I realized I was in bad shape and called 911. Once they busted in my house, I couldn't tell you what happened after that, I passed back out. At any rate, I post this to say that I know that feeling and what you went through. It's not like you wanted to die, but you did what you felt made sense in the moment. I haven't been able to have a xanax prescription since, except one time I was able to talk a nurse practitioner at my doctor's office into giving me one, but I just had the one bottle bc I eventually found a psychiatrist and started taking this illness seriously. Plus every doctor that I have had since isn't exactly fond of benzos unless absolutely necessary. What you did was a mistake. Was it stupid, yes, but you know that. I hope you are able to find some peace with what happened and can become a stronger person bc of it. Please take care and continue to reach out here for continued support.