L doesn't get to see a few sides of me. She's never seen me truly angry, she's never seen me un "fight" mode of protecting myself, and she's never seen my fully playful mode. I've never been truly mad at her, so she hasn't seen my full anger. She's never seen the "fight" side of me because she's never threatened my life (i.e. when ex-T abandoned me, H being abusive, etc.). I don't know why, but I can't get fully comfortable with her to be playful. When I say playful I mean being silly, singing, dancing, making a fool of myself, etc. I'm always uptight and "put together". My goal is to be more playful with her. We have a dance party planned for our 10th anniversary