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Originally Posted by elisewin
Elio, that is an interesting question and post. I don't know, but to me what you described going between feeling less safe and ok with it suggests that you are going forward in your process.
Did I feel sadness and grief? Mostly not, because it was slow and gradual, but actually I do have a vague missing of situations, where an overwhelming anxiety can be calmed down by a powerful entity just like that! Which once was my T just saying caring things and paying full attention when I needed it. It's not a longing really, more like a memory how simple it once was, like how a mother calms down a child. I don't have much safe memories from my childhood, but I have these glimpses of remembering how it is possible, thanks to T. And even there I don't miss my T as a person, I don't even feel she could do that anymore as I am not as attentive or receptive to fixes like that anymore? Maybe I can even say that I grew up.
If wheeling overwhelmed I turn to adult ways to handle it. Talking to friends and spouse, selfcare or just letting it come and go. And I love the way of functioning this way, it feels safe and right. But that was a really interesting thing to think about, thank you Elio.
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I was wondering about this too. When I think about having an equal friendship with T I feel positive because I can see how it will be, especially when I'm more in 'adult mode' and able to see T as an ordinary person who has faults like everyone else. I can see the possibilities and the strength I will have to walk away from the therapy relationship. But currently I feel like it will be a loss, something to grieve over, the loss of the space and the nurturing. I suspect it means that I'm not ready for the therapy to end and thankfully T is responsible in knowing I wouldn't be either. I suspect it won't feel like a big loss once I've done the work.
I wouldn't recommend being friends with a T either. It's generally frowned upon and with good reason, since there is so much scope for emotional harm. Both parties have to be extremely self aware and done the emotional work for it to even be doable. Even then, I think it could damage what has been done in therapy. I know it's different with me and my current T because of how we are as people, but it's a very rare thing. I wouldn't have entertained the possibility with any other T I've seen despite being extremely attached.