I was talking to T about how depressing it is to know our relationship is going to end one day. I told him that I was dreading going through the separation, that no matter how gradual it was going to be, that I would feel the excruciating, intense emotions each time I sensed that he was "pushing me out of the nest."

He basically accused me of black and white thinking (LOL), and said, "Why does it HAVE to end that way, why does it HAVE to be excruciating?"

I told him that I could not fathom going through this without it causing me massive pain. I told him he just didn't understand, that all I could see in the future was him being ripped away from me slowly.

Then he said (something like), "What if you start working on building up yourself, making yourself whole, while I'm still here in the same capacity? What if we keep seeing each other the same amount of time while you do this?"

I had been thinking that the goal to my being whole was only going to be achieved by him pushing me away so I could be independent. I never imagined that I could work on myself and keep being needy and dependent at the same time, LOL. I didn't see that shade of gray coming. I guess as I continue to build myself up that I will feel less needy and that I will need him less (That was painful to type - I still can't fathom this). So, maybe I don't have to experience internal widespread panic each session worrying about him pushing me each time. However, I have chained, tied, and cemented myself to the nest as a preventative measure. Old habits are hard to break.