Jesyka - The desire you have to "talk it out" with these two is understandable. I think you may need to attempt that, regardless of whether it would accomplish much. Yes, some people dislike saying "no" to an invitation and will just say nothing as an indirect way of conveying their "no." What you propose saying to them, individually, sounds fine to me. I think it could be a learning experience for you. They'll probably just get defensive and say you're misinterpreting things. I don't think you're misunderstanding anything, but that's what they'll likely say. Still, such a conversation might change the dynamics between you and them - a little. Mainly, it might crack apart some of the phoniness in these relationships. At least they'll know you aren't buying their B.S. I would caution you to not be either attacking or whining in what you say. (Your ideas above are fine.) What you say is nit going to make either of them feel bad IMHO. That's because I don't think they care a whole heck of a lot about how their behavior has impacted you. If anything, they may use such an encounter to give you negative feedback about you, such as you unfairly judging them. That'll be B.S., but it might be instructive for you to see their responses. Some of the haze in how you view them might clear up.

I'm so glad you do have other friendships that are more satisfying. I'm glad others could give you feedback about this matter. Ultimately, I think you have to just greatly scale back your expectations of what you are going to get out of involvement with these two. If I find myself calling someone more than they call me, I back off on my calls. I look for "reciprocity." When it's not there, I withdraw until the contact is more balanced. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and I'm okay with that. When I've expressed hurt and anger at someone for giving me less of themselves than I had hoped for and felt I had a right to expect, I've pretty much always regretted doing so.

I was getting annual Christmas cards from an old friend, who urged in every card that I visit her on my next trip to her part of the country. I guess what she had in mind was our meeting at a restaurant for lunch. We live in opposite corners of the country - 2000 miles apart. One year when I was expecting to be visiting a family connection about 90 miles from her, I wrote to her. I suggested that I come out at stay a night with her. (We had a history of sharing an apartment years ago, so I felt it was okay to suggest that.) She never responded. I was hurt. I took it that she did not want to me as a guest in her home. I'm still confused as to why she kept up the annual pleading with me to get together with her. Meeting up with someone on the other side of the country can be a challenge to arrange. I guess I'm supposed to rent a car and drive 2 hours to meet her for lunch and then drive 2 hours back to where I would be staying with my family. It seems she'ld be up for that and eager for that. She kept updating me on her current cell phone number and pleading about when was I going to come see her. But it seems she did not want to be put out by more than a few hours visiting with me.

I'm still confused. She is a very decent person. We still exchange Xmas cards. She even phoned me a few times since to talk at length with me. Neither of us mentioned me visiting her home. I feel like she set a boundary that she would do lunch with me, but not have me as her houseguest. That would be very burdensome for me to arrange . . . so I won't arrange it.

I'm kind of pleased that she stays in touch, but I'm wondering why she does? I believe I will never really understand this. I accept that I won't. I have too much pride to go probing the matter with her. She was a good friend to me when we were both young and single. We drifted apart over many years. I kind of think she calls once every 5 years or so, just out of idle curiosity as to how my life turned out. The phone calls are warm, but I still do not feel she would want me showing up on her doorstep. I'm embarrassed that I suggested that to her back when I did some years ago.

So I think I know about the hurt you feel. Some things we never get to fully understand. A part of me still has trouble moving on from the connection I had with her.