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Originally Posted by rise13eyond
I thought this was kind of interesting so I thought I'd share. So I've been dissociating since before I can remember. I don't have any specific memories of it from when I was younger but I know I've done it since I was little, depersonalization and derealization included. I never told anyone about it then because I didn't know there was a word for it and I didn't know how to describe it. But the derealization made me thing everyone around me didn't exist, so my child brain assumed the world around me and everyone in it was a figment of my imagination, I went for I don't even know how long thinking the entire world was imaginary. Yeah I was an odd child.
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Especially when I was in kindergarten I think there was a time where I did not know if things were memories or just dreams I had before waking up...
I also remember asking my parents if they were my parents around that age and not believing them when they said yes. I always thought I was just day-dreaming around the time I was in school and just had a vivid imagination, just a little more than others but still normal, I really can't tell. It is odd to think about these things. But I think to a certain degree it is normal I thought? It felt comfortable and safe. I really can't tell. I don't know life any differently. Being able to have access to my memories, to not having any access at all. Now it is only scary really because of BPD and the self-harm urges and suicidal ideation... Losing control, time, things like that which are more annoying as an adult.
I don't know organizing my thoughts and telling this happened then are difficult in general. For me it always feels like a lot less time has passed.