Yep, I was hospitalized years ago for a major depressive episode. The doctor I had and the care I received literally saved my life. I am eternally grateful to them.

Since that time I have been in therapy and taking an antidepressant and I've been fine ever since. I work full-time, go to school full-time at night and do well.

I really could relate to what you wrote. Keeping everything inside and being the caretaker for others. I could have written those very words! That's why therapy is so great. I pay someone to listen to me! It's all about me and I don't have to feel guilty about it because I'm paying for this service! I, too, am not one to want to burden friends with my crap.

My family was a mess as well. I take care (but don't live with) my chronic alcoholic father. My sibs moved far enough away that I'm the only one left to do it.

Abuse? Yeah, lots of every type. Sometimes I felt like I had a bulls eye on my back!

One thing for sure is that you CAN TELL YOUR STORY HERE!! And receive lots of support at the same time. I encourage you to do so. I'm glad you dipped your toe in the water already.

Take good care of you. Get the help you deserve and feel better. This life we have is not a dress rehearsal. We only get one time through. If you can get help earlier instead of later in life, please do. Don't waste precious time.
Love,
Okie