Thread: I can't focus
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ReveuseTroublee
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ReveuseTroublee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2021
Location: France
Posts: 154
3 yr Member
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Heart Mar 28, 2021 at 12:43 PM
 
This will be my last thread for some time... I feel like I have been posting so much...

I have been struggling with self-harm urges, dissociation and intense emotions, I lose a lot of time. I try to focus, but the brain fog and physical exhaustion (coffee and energy drinks don't help - I tried) is so strong. I am also restricting my intake... I tried upping it but I can't afford more breakdowns over it and feeling worse and then overexercising and still feeling awful and guilty for too long - makes me feel embarrassed to admit this. I truly need something I can use right now. What can help? What can I do?
I even consider trying to self-harm in a controlled way as much as I want so I can concentrate... But even that does not really help - also I can't control it, it is usually pretty bad and I can't afford to be admitted so yeah this is not really an option.
I have not tried strong smells yet, I tried to work with my tactile sense though but nothing is really working. Any ideas on what could help?
I just want to be productive. Maybe I am trying to be high functioning... xD
I am not used to failing and I don't want to become used to it, I also don't want to use my issues as an excuse.
Even if I fail this exam, it won't get counted as a failure due to the current Covid situation but it would be a huge step for me and I think it would help me to keep fighting my self-harm urges and suicidal ideation.

I have times during the day where I am doing horribly but I never know when also with the dissociation I never know when...

This is my first exam after being hospitalised and not being able to study in over a year. Another reason why it means so much to me.

The sad thing is that all of these symptoms are related and if one goes up, the others follow.
I take the blame for this mess.
I have the goal of getting through this on my own.
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