You don’t. What blame do you have on the matter? Sounds to me like your husband has the problems. Neither of those things are acceptable as a married man, and one particularly is damaging to intimacy for anybody. If he hasn’t actually cheated you may find solace in that, and marital counseling may help. The other two are big enough lies that damage to your trust may never fully recover. If you haven’t done anything to provoke any of this though, drop the blame, there is none to be had. Personally as a man I see no excuse he could have as to why he’s sending the ex money unless they share a kid. Porn is bad no matter what to me as a Christian man, but I know some couples welcome it and some may find it reasonable if the other spouse isn’t giving into sexual intimacy. For me, it’s wrong no matter what. That’s my input, sorry for your struggles.