I have female close family member, to who I was very close at childhood but for long time, years, we almost lost contact, not because I wanted to. She just always had excuse not to meet me, and I tried, believe me. She never wanted to work, as she said she is insecure in herself and can't find a job, but I never saw her even try, and I think she never did. She mostly just sits at home, sleeps and is sad whole day, every day. I tried to help but she is extremely attached to her husband, who she believes she depends on so there was never ever time for me. So, I just let it go. Apparently, she thinks (as she said few times) she is "too stupid" and he has to earn money for both, and she fears greatly she will lose him, so she constantly controls him and watches over him. I always found that extremely bad, and I told her she is quite intelligent person (and I mean it), she can do so many things, she is talented for so many things (all meant sincerely), and that she really just needs to try. You can always leave the job if you don't like it. But no, she wouldn't accept any advice, she insisted she is incapable to work except "low paid jobs" which she doesn't want (well, I don't find that bad either, we all start somewhere and having job is good for confidence), that she is "stupid" (no one else thinks so), and she has so many health issues (don't we all), and so so many excuses never to even try to work. Now her husband has rough time and they are taking money from our family member who had savings but not much left. I feel like they are taking money without intention to return it, and it lasts for months now. I am afraid when he is out of money they will ask me, and I just can't and won't give them. I am not rich, I earn barely to survive, I have some savings but I want to keep them and not to give away because someone expects me to be "family" and I am "all they have now".
She has extremely low self esteem which bursts from time to time, she is always deeply depressed and she injures herself with knife! Also, she threatened suicide multiple times. I talked and talked to her, but nothing I said made things better. I begged her to find some work, any work, even part time, small, I begged her to at least make some art (as she is talented too), or do sports, for example yoga... I said every single advice I had, every positive thing I had, but nothing worked. I am also very depressed but tbh sport, art and work usually help me a lot. So I was advising the same, maybe I was wrong. But you just can't live taking money from family forever. It's not ok. If I don't agree with her on anything, if I don't want to do something she wants, she screams and threatens suicide. I can't, I don't know what to do anymore. Doctors are mostly unavailable in country because of this epidemics, and her husband doesn't seem to be of much use.
Question is, how to react when someone asks you something you can not or won't do, and threatens suicide if you don't agree and doesn't want any compromises? I feel like there is no way out of that. Whatever I do, it will end badly. If I just give them money, them will spend it in few months and I will be left without savings. If I don't she may harm herself and lots of bad things can happen and I really don't know how to tell someone "just get any job, please!". We don't have money and you need it to live. I am out of options.