Quote:
Originally Posted by snowangel17
I struggle with this too with all people in my life including my T. I have since realised that I actually 'shut down' from people if we are apart too long. I am away from extended family alot and I find myself rarely missing them. Maybe the first day or two but then it stops. The connection I felt to them whilst with them disappears somewhat and it feels like they are strangers. Cognitively I of course know they are not.
I would have thought that some of this arises as a result of unpredictable or inconsistent parenting and attachment injuries as well as other things? I really like the answer above about how the healing is finding something with in ourselves and not relying on our Ts. I also wonder if though if there is any healing to be had from having a T who is consistently there and shows that they are and available or is that just throwing money into the air. Is there a point where that consistency can help to rewire the brain to realize that someone can still be there even when not physically there or is that far too simplified?
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What I mean though is that you’re using your therapist to help you locate develop that skill within yourself. Like you take the comfort or safety that you get from the therapist‘s presence and you learn to nurture it within you. So it’s not that you’re not relying on the therapist, it’s that you’re recognizing that it isn’t the therapist you want to hold onto but the comfort itself.
if your comfort and safety reside within another person, any other person, you will never be really safe or comfortable. You’ll always be chasing that feeling, obsessed with that person, and your moments of peace will be fleeting. If the comfort and safety reside within you, you will always have access to them.
You can build this through a secure attachment but the idea is that the attachment is helping you grow security within.