A special thanks to all three (so far) who have replied - Turned Out, Hvert, and Breaking Dawn. Your replies to me have been very helpful and made me feel better reading them. I'd love to answer back on the replies.

First of, it's about the mail. I'm not satisfied with the set up for that, as I had stated. I feel like I'm making a bigger deal of it than for what it is. I think it's like an obsession I have - that I need total control. After all it makes sense since it's my job and no one else's; and I'm fully responsible for what happens. If something goes wrong with the way it is now, then it wouldn't be my fault. But still I would be very upset because I don't like having to answer to a foul-up of what someone else did, especially when it went the way I didn't want it to go. I plan to have a talk with the Facility Manager about this, but he's been very busy, plus he may be leaving the site pretty soon. He may not help by himself, but he may give me some pointers.

I forgot to mention that the Maintenance man is leaving for good (retiring) later this month. I had been filling in for him some days when he didn't show up. Last week he and I had a phone conversation with our managers and it was all about him retiring. Not a word was said about me taking his place full-time. Yesterday I overheard him tell other people that he's retiring and I will take his place. I was livid when I heard that. I can't, for the life of me, do his job and I'd rather not have the responsibility.

I would like to leave my job with the way it's going, but the unknown if I leave is pretty scary. I tend to want to stay with something that's secure, even if it's not that great. There had been times in my life when I left something that was secure and others were against my move. But I always made out alright in the past and never regretted the decisions I made.

I guess that I may sound a bit anxious and I hope I'm not coming across as gruff and I want to make some sense. It's kind of a trying time for me now, plus I'm very tired as I'm writing all of this out.