Being assertive is the best route, but I should take that advice to heart myself! I'm one to swallow anger & rehash things throughout the day. I try to live by the motto, "Do you want to be right, or be happy?" Of course I'd like to be happy! But that doesn't necessarily preclude pointing out when someone says or does something wrong or hurtful. Beth's answer to your question is excellent. You're not alone in struggling with balance where anger is concerned, whatever.