This is always a tough accusation to defend against. Lately, when I have been accused of this, I pray that I show compassion when I should be compassionate. Most of us want to be compassionate and some of us feel like if we show others enough compassion that it will be healing for them--and I do think that compassion helps others. It is a worthy goal. However, for the sake of our own sanity, there are some people that we have to detach from (at least part of the time) because constant empathy that is not reciprocated, can be exhausting. So though we want to be compassionate, it is important to recognize that with some people we have to recognize when they are saying unfair or untrue things and not enable them by showing compassion when they are being mean. There are people who act really terrible, then after they apologize (the apology took them about 1 or 2 minutes ) expect you to be compassionate even though they just pummeled you for a very long time. We can learn to recognize this and not be gaslighted by their accusations. I hope that you can get to the point where you do not fall for unfair guilt trips and accusations.