Yes. This is what’s happening it seems. Thank you sharing your experience. It does sound similar, although I do not have opportunity to work 60-70 hrs a week since overtime is not permitted. Instead I have 70 overdue tasks.

My thoughts are negative and I wince constantly thinking about what I didn’t get to yet, and what backlash I will endure. I fear people thinking I am incompetent. It can make me rigid, which feels gross.

For remedy- I am pretty good at emotional management, I guess, and I do give time to my true interests. Definitely I need to work on mental issues. I get so many feelings in my body that I assume means “emotional.” I guess it’s stress feelings and fear. I do need to swallow my pride and accept that I don’t always think clearly when stressed, especially when overloaded, and run down. Instead of beating myself up, I need to care for myself more.

I just hate when I don’t think clearly, and involve others. I don’t think it is okay to not think clearly, and need someone else to point out the obvious. It’s embarrassing. It’s my ego. I start to think the “work me” is not the real me, it’s not where I shine, and I’m just barely good enough.

I can find another job, and maybe this won’t be an issue. My ego wants me to stay and solve my issues and keep getting smarter and more competent.