Where does this 'need' to do it come from??

Im happy, Ive had a good day, I'm tired and thinking of going to bed in a minute... but as soon as soon as the thought enters my mind its like an actual physical ache... It's a NEED.

And even thought I know that I have to let my arm heal because Im going to a christening in london in 3 weeks with my bf and his family and Im wearing a dress, Even though Im sick of hiding it from my dad, even though Im sick of wearing jumpers and sweltering like mad when its the hottest weather england has seen for ages, even though I feel I have no reason to do it - im not stressed or upset..

I STILL fell I HAVE to do it!! It's like Im on a diet and theres sum choccie ice cream in the fridge and I know its bad and i'll end up in a state and feeling guilty after Ive eaten it... but I still want it!

How do I make this go away?? Why do I feel tempted even tho its a bad thing? Why do I smile everytime I realise that the oppertunity to do it is right here..?

babyg xXx