I've realized I'm anxious about returning to in-person, which my T said he expects to happen in mid-May. He's said I always have the option of staying virtual. But I was trying to figure various reasons why returning is making me anxious (aside from having to sit more than 6 feet apart, so not in my usual seat, and also much more distanced than it seems on a computer screen; his likely not wearing his reading glasses; and it potentially feeling more intense being in the same room).

And I think I realized part of what it is. I was saying to him today how I was afraid he'd change from how he'd been since the pandemic started. And how he's been dressing more casually, and I'm concerned that when he goes back to button-down shirts all the time (he still wears them at times), dress pants, and dress shoes, he'd end up acting more formally, maybe less empathetic, etc. He said he didn't see himself changing in that way.

I've thought about it more since session. And I've realized that one difference now is that we're both sitting in our own settings. He's in his office probably 2/3 of the time, the other time at his house. But I'm always at my house, in my space. When I start seeing him in person again, I'll be on his turf, in his office. He will be in his chair, and he will dictate where I'm allowed to sit, what I'm allowed to do, how close I'm allowed to come to him. I think there may be something to that aspect. It felt more like equals talking before over the computer, but this will go back to his clearly being in charge. Does that make sense? Is anyone else thinking of that difference?