I'm so flustered right now I can't think....I feel lower than low
So many things weighing on my mind I'm ready to just collapse. I know drugs are bad and all, but I've seriously got enough grass here to tranq an elephant.
I received a care package from home with a letter from my mom about how everyone misses me and such, about how dad got laid off, and then some jesus stuff about how she prays for my safety everyday yadda yadda yadda...
So now I don't want to ask for therapy when I come home. Because with things as crazy as they are right now, asking for therapy will only compound things and I'm pretty sure It'd be way more than they can handle.....Seriously if they only know a quarter of the things going on in my head they'd explode.
and now I'm stuck. I'm going to get scuttled along through my senior year of college, graduate with a degree worth nothing, because I'm dumb. I won't have a job and then I'm going to have to spill the beans anyways about what's going on in my life...so either way I'm pretty much F'd in 380 days.....
Now I can do one of three things:
1.) Spill the beans when I get home, deal with consequences like a man
2.) graduate, then spill the beans...
3.) get home, runaway, leave everything behind, be homeless....
I know I'm too old to actually runaway from home and it's not like my parents could do anything about it legally since I am 21....but still I have nothing better in life, so why not? I'm just going to disappoint everyone anyways, might as well do it with style.
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