I talked about it with current T. I read her the email from former T. Current T did not agree with former T's decision not to see me, but we are both bound by it whether we want to be or not. I explored some layers of thoughts and feelings with current T about the situation. Abandonment, sadness, hurt, anger, confusion, loss of trust. We did some EMDR. I don't feel particularly better but that's because I don't always think current T knows what she is doing. I did tell her I haven't told her half as much as former T and I am doubting that former T ever cared about me. 10 years and $25,000.00 means nothing apparently. Current T said she knows former T cared. How or why I don't know. I haven't been able to cry about it. Current T said I will survive this. Of course. What option do I have? I haven't done anything to myself in response to this which makes me feel like real growth has happened. I just hate feeling shredded in two like I am currently. And its hard to hold it together. Really hard days right now.