Had an online therapy appointment with T today and we talked about it.
Will probably talk about it several more times.

Having many conflicting feelings.
Upset that, had this Pdoc and the previous Pdoc been mentally stable, ethical, boundaried, out for my best interest and not narcissistics or sociopaths...maybe they could have HELPED me.
But they both made it about sex...one Pdoc especially worse than the other. And they both made it about *their needs and wants.*
That’s not what I was looking for and not what I needed.

What a bunch of wasted money. What a bunch of wasted energy and TIME. I could have been SO much farther ahead....in dealing with my chronic depression, healing from childhood traumas, maybe made peace with my parents. Maybe they could have helped me understand more about myself..and my strengths and weaknesses.
Maybe they could have helped me live better in this world.
What a waste.

I don’t drink, so I’ve decided to to stay medicated the rest of the day.