The doctor who abused me is still alive and his career is thriving. He now has a national profile. I have frequent and recurring dread about him retiring (on a very generous pension) without me reporting his abuse. He would no longer be professionally accountable and that makes me angry and sickened. If I am not going to report him (and this looks increasingly likely as the years tick by), I need to reconcile myself with the terrible reality that he won't face justice and that will be my fault for not reporting him.

So it's not the same as your situation, but it feels like there are some similarities around endings, accountability, reconciling present with past. I hope you are keeping ok amongst the angst of it.