You've talked about existential angst, and some of what you describe may be just that. And I do not agree that this is a symptom of mental illness, or certainly not necessarily.

You mentioned that you saw a psychiatrist 'seeking' a Bipolar diagnosis. I may be assuming wrong here, but it sounds like you intentionally presented to the pdoc as someone who probably had Bipolar? But I could be misreading you.

What I'm referring to, though, is that I think it's best to go into a psychiatry appointment with a very open mind; just present your experiences and let the pdoc decide what it might be 'called'/labeled as.

I think when someone goes to see a psychiatrist seeking -any- type of diagnosis, that person may well only present the symptoms associated with that diagnosis, instead of giving all of the necessary information, even that which may, potentially, rule out the diagnosis you think fits.

I believe that only presenting certain information, what you think fits, leads to explosions of misdiagnoses and overdiagnoses we've seen in this country. Pdocs often have little time and some probe more than others. Some want a diagnosis themselves to they can 'medicate it away,' their only source of help.

If I were you, I would talk to a therapist. They are not supposed to diagnose, and they do not have the credentials to do so, but they -aside from staff who observe you inpatient- will eventually know you most. I think that a good therapist would also keep an open mind, and help you, hopefully, with your depression, ennui, potential dissociation, etc.

Best of luck on your journey!