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Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
I'm really sorry, Kit. I have felt completely rejected by my mother figure therapist, and it was awful. Like, soul-crushing awful. It was some of the worst emotional pain I've ever felt, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. In your case, I can see how it would feel particularly horrible because you don't totally understand why it's happening.
I wonder if maybe there is another therapist out there who really gets you and who can help you process this. You haven't seemed to really vibe with your current T. When you talk about your sessions, it doesn't sound like it's about you but rather something that's sort of pleasant but also confusing and ultimately doesn't really have an impact on your life. Several times I've also wondered if she has all her faculties, like when she's late or confused or does something that I don't think is actually EMDR at all. There are lots of good therapists out there who understand relationships and attachment and who could help you with your former T situation and with some of your childhood stuff too.
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Thank you EM. Yes, it is soul crushing awful and worse because I cannot bring myself to cry about it. The tears come to my eyes but they don't fall.
I could try a sad movie or something, just to be able to get some tears out.
It's made worse by the fact that my sister and the children left their home over a week ago. I fear DV. She is coming with the children, four of them, one is out of the country, to our house for a day, a couple days, who knows. So we can get a better idea of what happened. So I have intense stress at the moment and then also intense loss.
You are kind of right about my T. I've looked at other T's in Psychology Today in my area and none of them seem like a good fit. I don't know what I even need from a T right now. I need them to be there when I'm in crisis but when I'm not in crisis it's like nothing substantial happens during the session and I don't know how to change that. My current T is very kind but I'm not attached to her. I don't think she understands fully what is transpiring between me and former T and I don't think she grasps the depth of my pain. I don't think she really knows what to do with me. Maybe you only get one good T in your life and then the rest you are stuck with mediocre. I don't know. I'll look again on psychology today and see what pops out. Thanks for your care.