This part sounds like setting boundaries (with practice, it will be easier to say, sometimes , without losing your cool). It might be OK (and good) to occasionally shop for her but can you just quickly drop the things off and leave? Can she send a list via text or email? Not sure this is applicable but sometimes we can find ways to help out but also not take abuse. If she sends a nasty email or text--don't respond to it. Just respond to the nice ones (if this applies).


Wrote this (above) quickly--perhaps try not to say get "someone else to do the shopping" but saying you need to take a break from the venting (and leaving before it becomes too much for you) can be a good way to manage it. I can't remember if she is your mother or mother-in-law.

Not sure if this is applicable but, BTY, I am like my mother is some ways so some of the things that I found annoying about my mother as a child (but put up with other than rolling my eyes which she always called me on ) -- I probably did/do some of them to my own children/husband without even always being totally aware of it (especially in the past) so if they can't take it when I act the way she acted then is that karma/getting what I deserve/etc?

But when she says you aren't compassioanate--in my book, our deeds say more than our words so if you are shopping for her and doing other things to help her--you are.