Razzle, I have been in a marriage without intimacy for 20 years. I am getting divorced now. My husband withheld affection, sex, sharing, and friendship. He wouldn't share the ups and downs of his life with me and didn't want to know about mine. As part of the divorce, we had some couples counseling and he told me that he withheld all this because he "didn't want to let his guard down." That made me feel awful, like I was the enemy and had to be guarded against. But at least he was honest. It seems pitiful to me that someone would work so hard for 20 years to avoid intimacy when what it really meant was that there was no happiness for either of us. Wouldn't a person rather be happy than not happy? I guess I still don't get him, but that's OK, we're not living together anymore, and the end is in sight.

Best of luck with your relationship.