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TunedOut · 11:30 AM

It is an instinctual thing for me not to say "calm down" to others but when a family member raises their voice while complaining about me and I classify it as "they got upset". "sorry I upset you", etc--they totally deny it and get more upset. So maybe the word "upset" is just as bad as saying "calm down". That same person tells me to calm down sometimes and at times it is irritating inside (like the article says, I feel I am being calm--maybe my perception of myself is off?) but, mostly, for me, I calm down in order to prove I am calm.

However, I think we have just become highly sensitive to each other at times. Perhaps we are just hearing the slightest changes in tone and volume? Maybe we have PTSD because of our past history?

As a child, teenager, young adult, etc--when I felt upset about something, I would tell myself to "sleep on it". Usually, the next day, your emotions have calmed down so if you are still feeling aggravated at that friend or need to tell or write up someone that works for you that their actions were inappropriate, I feel like you are less likely to make a mistake when you wait. Not that my instincts haven't been pretty good on many occasions but now that I am older, I feel like I have a bit more PTSD and some unfortunate patterns (I include myself in the mix) have been established with a couple of people I love so I have to be more careful now than when I was younger.