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Old 04-07-2021, 04:43 PM  
modestlychee6463 has no updates.
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: MA: Stanberry, Missouri
Posts: 234 (SuperPoster!)
10 hugs
Unhappy I can't stand myself!

I feel that I've become negative and cynical. I have tried prayer but it hasn't changed my rather awful outlook on life. I have had times throughout life when others just couldn't stand being around me. I wish there was a way I could change this. I have had to make a real effort to be positive because I haven't felt that way inside. It never dawned on me I'd feel so alone. I have always hated my personality and the way I tend to repeat myself and that I seem to have trouble making friends. There is just a hole deep inside I just can't seem to fill. It seems like not even God can fill it. I have days when I feel nothing or I'm just sad. Sleep often helps me escape. I have had to drastically reduce any news intake because it would upset me. I seem to remember more bad memories than good ones. I have some good ones but that's it. I seem to give off terribly negative vibes. I have had thoughts of not even want to look like the same person as before. I tried hypnotism to banish bad memories and it has worked. I have had to use it from time to time even recently. Others get tired of me seemingly sad and so I often hide it. I wish there was a magic solution or something to make me more positive. I often thought it was the fault of my genes that I turned out a gloomy half empty kind of person. I have been accused of being selfish over the years too. I've grown numb to it now.
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