So Sorry for what you're going through. i can partly relate, at least i think. Are you currently seeing a therapist? Perhaps that may Help you with what you're currently struggling with. Please do not give up. God does Love you. i Hope and Pray that things will improve soon. Hugs. Please do stau Safe. You matter. Eeveryone does. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @modestlychee6463, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!