I’m kinda bummed out today. Yesterday the weather was great and today it’s pouring rain. I think my moods largely depend on the weather. I slept kinda badly last night. I fell asleep after 20mil of melatonin. Then I woke up at 11:30 and I was hungry because I only had yogurt for dinner. So at midnight I had some pudding and some beef jerky. Then I took 6 mil of melatonin, my 80 Geodon, and some cough syrup. I just wanted to ****ing sleep but I’m going to end up killing myself eventually. But then I woke up at 8 and I’m down in the dumps but not S or anything. But I miss my old therapist a lot. Again. I don’t know why I can’t get her out of my head but other times I’m fine. I’ve had 4 sessions with my new one and I really like her and I easily told her some stuff I struggled with telling the old one. I assume I had such a hard time talking with the old T about certain things because of the transference that was going on.

But I just took a mil of Xanax and I ate a chicken noodle soup bread bowl and I’m under my weighted blankets right now. I have to be out of the house in a few hours for a couple hours for another inspection on the house. I’m hoping to hear back from my surgeon today too.