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buddha1too
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buddha1too We are all Buddhas becoming.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Posts: 735
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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 04:04 PM
 
It's obvious you're in a lot of pain right now. I'm not a therapist or a psychiatrist, but it seems your biggest problem right now is the depression. The fact you're not sure you want to stop drinking despite the fact you know it might be harmful sends a serious signal. Both splitimage & I have pointed out that alcohol is a depressant, but one issue that hasn't been raised yet is the fact that alcohol lowers our inhibitions. I've tried to harm myself in the past while drunk. I don't know how I lived through these bouts, but I did somehow. Many people don't survive to tell such tales. I'm convinced they were attempts that wouldn't have been made if alcohol wasn't in the picture. You're young, & I wish you nothing but happiness in the future.

Covid has shut Germany down cold. Are you sure your friend didn't get back with you because he/she is being careful due to the pandemic? I think you're possibly letting depression make assumptions for you. Depression & alcohol are very tricky that way. There are many possible explanations. Hang in there. The pandemic has been a hard time...isolation isn't good for one's mental health. At least you're trying to reach out here, & I hope you continue doing so. Alles gute.
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