View Single Post
unpolar
Junior Member
unpolar has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2021
Location: Germany
Posts: 13
2 yr Member
9 hugs
given
Default Apr 08, 2021 at 04:27 PM
 
I think alcohol works different for me than most people.. alcohol actually helps me to not harm myself. Because I did.. just a few times. I was very sober each time. When I'm sober and feel bad I get self destructive because I don't know how to express the negativity so I take it out on myself. Drinking helps me calm down.

I thought depressive episodes get better on their own eventually but it doesn't. I've been feeling this way for almost a year. I know there's a lot of bad feelings that I'm holding onto and a lot of disappointment in my parents and hurt because of **** they did. I know I need to let go of that. Holding on to bad memories won't make my life better. But I can't stop. I can't let go of thinking about how unfair it is. It took me a long time to realise that a lot of what my father did might qualify as emotional abuse and that whst my mother did is borderline neglect. I spent my childhood and teenage years up until now trying to not let it get to me, just kept focusing on turning 18 and finishing school and getting out. Instead it just all fell apart and I crashed right into full-blown depression.
I just can't imagine if ever getting better. It's probably the depression speaking.. but does it make a difference? I'm tired. There isn't really anything for me to look forward to, no goal or anything. Just one day after another. I'm tired
unpolar is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
buddha1too