Thank you all for the replies.

I have been falling asleep all over the place! And gradually remembering more and more from the session, but not just that session but bits and pieces from other sessions. Kind of like a (jigsaw) puzzle coming together.

T did say that what I'm trying to process is something that anyone would find difficult, even for people who haven't been through all that I have been through. So it's super difficult. But then, the fact that I know this is difficult is an insight in it's self.

The yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.... arguement that we had did actually end up with T saying yes, right at the end of the session. So my feelings through out the session was one of failure and confusion and ended up with feelings of shock and disbelief.

So, I guess I am processing afterall!