It's been two years since I last saw him. Since he officially said he wanted to end things. I found out by chance (and I was blindsided to even see his name) he got remarried and I did do some research and he seems happy and it seems healthy. They are raising a child.


I'm learning a lot about myself, and I realize, as he accused "I don't realize it but my mental health is a lot more of a problem than I realize". I think there is merit to that. He is not innocent in this, and the person he married he in fact was dating while we were still trying to be together. He treated me poorly and deprived me of any sense of affection or love, or concern or care. That goes beyond just a "feeling" but deliberate, calculated actions to intentionally ice me out.

However, I look at my behavior and things and I wouldn't want to live with me either. I feel horrible for those intense crazy moments and I hate myself because he's gone and it probably is majorly my fault. I feel so much pain and remorse about it. I am glad he seems happy. I however have never been able to move on in this time. I accepted the facts as they were-- we divorced. but I don't know if I could love again. But that's for another day.