I know you feel this way and I know others believe this... I don't. I don't think it is wrong to WANT to be "saved" by him. I think it's an important step that you have realized that it can't really happen. That doesn't make it wrong to want it or even at times need it. And to me, it makes perfect sense to want this - to even need it - for some of us, given whatever lived and living experiences we've have.

And given this past year -- you are far from alone.