For the record, I never really drank every day. In my case it was a matter of quantities when I did drink...& the things I did while drunk. I think the reasons cited to justify drinking might be added to the equation, too.

This is an online support community, unpolar. There's no need to feel you're whining. There are other sections on the boards which might be useful in addition to posting here. There's one section where people post about depression. Also, have you ever researched borderline personality disorder? Just a thought given some of the things you've shared here. Hang in there & keep posting.