Dear unpolar,

I do not find you to be whiny and spoiled. On the contrary, I find you to be a very inspiring and heroic individual.

After everything you have suffered I think that you might want to consider seeing a physician. Situational depression and depression that is the result of abuse or trauma can sometimes lead to brain pathology or dysfunction which only a physician can diagnose, treat or rule out as causal or contributory .

It sounds to me like you are under an overwhelming burden of pain. And you deserve to be treated with respect and care.

I was helped a lot by medication when I was in a situation somewhat similar to the one you describe. Talking to a psychotherapist can also sometimes prove helpful if one finds a good one.

I do not blame you for anything. I think you are doing the best you can given everything influencing you.

I wish I knew what to say to ease your pain and suffering but sadly I am not that insightful. Hopefully others here with more knowledge and experience and a better command of the English language will see what you posted and respond to you with things that are really and truly helpful. You deserve a break! So very, very sorry that I could not be helpful to you in this. My heart goes out to you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

PS: Bravo on being a vegetarian. I think that is also something wonderful and heroic!