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Originally Posted by daisydid
SD is right that that word connotates something very specific legally. I would not be confident in saying that that’s what happened to you, though I believe we can all agree that it was sexual abuse.
Words can be important and can be used to convey certain experiences, but I think it’s more important to validate the experience that something happened. What happened to you was not okay, despite the way that laws or people may choose to label it. The professionals in your life should be validating that experience and helping you to reclaim your agency. I think that too often focus on details when we should be focused on the experience. You’re strong to be open to discussing this with your treatment team. I have issues in my life that could be considered adjacent to yours, but I don’t feel any more ready to tackle them more than when I first started therapy. You’re very brave and resilient. I hope you’re able to continue the healing process.
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Thank you for your time and response. You make a lot of sense.
I want to clarify that neither PrevT or T have used therapy to focus on the details. Instead, they are responding to my questions and confusion about the details.
My mind is all mixed up emotionally and intellectually about what I think I should call what happened to me. “Exploitation” and “sexual abuse” fit.. And I don’t want to call it r**e if that’s not what it was. I also don’t want to call it r**e to lessen anyone else’s experience or to ‘elevate/exaggerate’ mine.
I’ve always heard if you say ‘no’ and you’re prevented from resisting by force or other means, that is r**e. But I’ve been wrong many times before ...it doesn’t bother me to be mistaken. I just want to know if I am.
It confuses me that RAINN states one version of the legal definition of r**e in that state ...and “the California Commission on Peace Officer Standards and Training (POST) Sex Crimes Learning Domain, “Copyright 2002 provide a different legal definition in that state.
It’s confusing to me that one T says it wasn’t R...the other says it was.
It’s confusing to me that, although the PDoc was arrested for holding his 19yo patient against her will for two days and allegedly administering drugs & committing s. battery on her...(whatever that included, I don’t know)...and the detective in charge of the case was quoted in the paper saying the police found corroborating evidence in his car and motel...but the PDoc was never prosecuted for that or for any of the other allegations made by the seven women who came forward. The state medical board, on the other hand, revoked his license...
It’s all confusing.
I think one of the big issues I have is I still feel guilty, stupid and at fault for being there,...and giving consent to a good deal of what happened. I blame myself, my family blames me and thinks I’m stupid. I have no problem realizing I am definitely naive.
I believe ... I’m telling myself , on some level, that if it was called r**e, then, maybe, my family wouldn’t think it’s all my fault...
More than that, maybe *I* wouldn’t believe it was all my fault.
The perpetrator died recently and its bringing all this back up.