I ended up calling the hotline yesterday. I was scared but I didn't know what else to do. It was a big help. I felt so much better being able to talk to someone. The guy on the line listened to me. But most of the day I was depressed. I ruminated all day in the dark. I slept a lot too. I don't feel much better today. I'm very sad. I've lost hope. I have nothing to look forward to. I guess I have sleep to look forward to. That's the only time I have peace. I get to rest in bed with my cats. That's the only joy I have in my life. I'm pretty useless and there's nothing else going on for me. I'm just a waste of space.