I hope I am not going to sound confrontational when I say this because that is not my intention at all.

He might not be able to save you, but he can provide you with something restorative or reparative. For example, he can offer you a different relational experience where you can encounter hurt and conflict and start to resolve your pain. The most important part is allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough in order that you can experience soothing. So when you say:


I read that you are working so hard at avoiding the hurt of rejection that you are ultimately denying yourself the opportunity to experience the subsequent resolution. The "rejection" you imagine, or that you would actually encounter with him, is not the same rejection as you might have experienced in childhood or with others. These painful feelings are happening in a safe, negotiated and supportive relationship. You can be hurt in this relationship and, whilst that is horrible and heartbreaking, it could also be a way to mature. You have trapped yourself: you are keeping your feelings hidden (because you are scared, understandably so) but then you feel rejected because he can't reach your feelings. Imagine the relief of being able to honestly and vulnerably speak about your experience of feeling rejected (by him but also others) and how different that is from hiding your fear under a rock for the rest of your life.

I say all of this with a big caveat that this depends on him being a skilled therapist who can both commit to hard work and maintain safety - not an assumption to take lightly. Maybe this is part of what you are questioning: if I open up and allow these raw feelings out, would he be capable enough to help me and not break me?