Thanks for posting this. Yes, I often feel the way you describe. Plus, a large chunk of the problems I have I created myself. So I only have myself to blame. I often say to myself I hope it could be said I had a mental illness all of my life because, if not, then that means I was just flat out a bad person (not that I intended to be... it's just how I turned out.) Anyway... there's no litmus test to qualify for the support that's available here on MSF. You're here... and that's what counts. Best wishes...