i can relate a bit about feeling passive. So Sorry that you're struggling so much by yourself. i agree with the wise and wonderful Discombobulated about being here if you need some Help and someone to listen to you. Are you currently seeing a therapist? Do you have any kind of Support system IRL? Please do not give up. i Hope things will improve. Just try to take things one step at the time. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @lowpoint, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!