You do have the right to feel this pain, even if others don’t understand - it’s because they’re not experiencing it. Doesn’t mean you’re mentally unstable, but when you’re going through those intense reactions you describe, you’re dysregulating - there are ways to ground and help yourself through it, though. Trauma also does change a person in some pretty strange ways, sometimes!

I’m not sure what you’ve tried, but I watch a YouTube channel called Crappy Childhood Fairy who posts helpful C-PTSD videos on just about every related topic you can imagine. I am in therapy for different reasons than PTSD, but being in therapy is how I found out I have it, too. So, I’m not sure what PTSD is like for you, but there is support available here and we know you’re not ‘crazy’. You deserve to feel better and heal!

These might help:
MoodCafe | Emotional dysregulation and managing your emotions
https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...+fairy+youtube