I’ve been working on this with T...and also emailing PrevT a little, as I’ve said.

Recently, emailed PrevT thoughts/questions similar to what I’ve posted here on this thread...maybe I’ve wondered if I have questioned whether to call it rape to lessen my responsibility and guilt? I’m ready to look at that:

Me-
“...But, now, I wonder if I need to name it...maybe call it ‘rape’... because, if it was rape, maybe my family would change their minds and not think I’m so stupid ...for putting myself in those positions, handing over thousands of dollars to him, agreeing to most of everything that we did..and believing it was all my fault.

Maybe, if it was ‘rape’, *I* would stop believing it was all my fault.

As painful as it is, I need to figure out what parts of this were all my fault.
If it is my fault...even part of it...don’t I need to know?”

PrevT :

“I think that experientially speaking it was rape...He forced sexual intimacy with you...NONE of it is your "fault"...You went to him for help...you were you...that is all you should have been...HE was the one who had the complete responsibility NOT to exploit anything about you and to help you.”