((Poshgirl)) I think it would help you if you understood how your mother is expressing her need for a sense of control. You tend to take what she says personally instead of just reading her. There is a difference between reading and absorbing. You have been absorbing too much. Your mother has insecurities and that’s what she is revealing when she interacts. Also she tends to be stuck in a mother role which is a role she has played a long time. From what you share your mother is showing signs of decline. That is not going to change it tends to be typical of her age. This means you have to practice reading and just letting her talk and she probably will repeat, that’s what happens and becomes rather routine.

Hey if she says she made other plans about handling her shopping needs GREAT and if your brother takes her? Let him have at it. And say in a kind voice “good for you mom for taking charge”. So what if your brother helping her makes her happy. At 85 it’s good to have a sense of control and feel happy. Your mother never really did that well when it came to males in her life.

You are not ever going to change the story so step back and learn how to read what she is in the book that is HER charector and no one is going to change her charecter.