I'm going to ruin myself but will try to get the house fully packed by the end of the weekend. Maybe we move to family's house, maybe we move into a temporary accommodation but we can't stay around people who will actively try to hurt us.
I don't know what the temporary accommodation looks like, and I'm so scared, but what else can I do?
Who else can help? who else would help?
We have three sets of people lying and trying to harm us, simultaneously, while burdened with a year and half of trauma and grief.
I'm just begging for one thing to work out and I don't know how to make that so. Why has it been so long and we have had every last thing go wrong. What did I do?
Even if I have therapy and processing for ten+ years after this how will I ever trust again or have hope?
In the midst of hell I lost my boy, I lost my best friend, I don't know why this is happening. I didn't when they died, and I don't know why it's still escalating.
Things seemed ok for a few weeks, then hell broke free once again.
I just want to have time to mourn. Why is that so hard.
I have his ashes in a grab and go bag in case they come to attack us or try to burn the house down.
I beg for help and no one stops it. I try my best and I can't get any footing.