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Verbal and emotional abuse defined:

What is verbally abusive behavior?

Verbally abusive behavior is defined as verbal tactics designed to undermine the confidence, self-worth and self-esteem in the victim. Abuse in any form is always about the abuser establishing power and control over another. Verbal abuse therefore is a tactic used by the abuser to create a sense of dominance over the victim, and is mainly rooted in a deep sense of insecurity and inferiority by the abuser.

Verbally abusive behavior can be described as:

Put downs, cutting remarks and constant criticism
Hurtful, cutting comments masked by sarcasm or presented as a joke
Name calling
Yelling or raging against the victim
Blaming and false accusations
Shaming
Withholding – withholding information and refusing to share feelings and thoughts
Countering – arguing, or dismissing the victim’s thoughts, feelings and perceptions
Blame shifting – the abuser never takes responsibility for their actions, and shifts the blame onto the victim
Blocking – the abuser controls what topics can be discussed
Trivializing – the abuser trivializes what the victim thinks, feels or wants to do
Denial – the abuser outright denies the victim’s perceptions of an event or conversation
Rewriting history – the abuser fabricates or makes up different details of an event or a conversation that differ from the victim’s recollection
Character assasination – personal attacks that degrade the victim’s character
Verbal abuse ultimately erodes the victim of a sense of self-confidence, self-worth and their perception of reality. Verbal abuse will eventually cause severe psychological problems, if prolonged and accepted by the victim.

What is emotionally abusive behavior?

Emotional abuse, also called psychological abuse, is designed to manipulate the victim’s emotions. Emotional abuse can be a matter of systematic brainwashing and can have just as devastating an effect on the victim’s sense of well-being as verbal abuse can. Similarly, emotional abuse is designed to control and have power over the victim. Emotional abuse can overlap with forms of verbal abuse.

Emotionally abusive behavior can be described as:

Threats and emotional blackmailing
Exertion of control over the victim in any way
Indirect violence intended to intimidate the victim
Verbal assaults
The abuser is never wrong – the abuser shifts the blame to the victim
When confronted, the abuser launches a verbal attack on the victim
The abuser shows no empathy for the victim’s hurt feelings
The abuser never apologizes for their poor behavior and treatment
The abuser uses forms of mental punishment such as the silent treatment, or withdrawal of affection, love and sex when they are displeased or confronted
Love-bombing or promises of change to make the victim forget the abuse
Isolation of the victim, and making the victim fully dependent on their abuser
Lack of reasoning – the abuser is typically unreasonable and makes unreasonable demands of their victim
Creating a sense of fear in the victim
Extreme mistrust and jealousy