Perhaps you can try to fight back te negative thoughts with positive ones such as " i am not a failure and i am doing the best i can to survive" if that is true. Sorry if i'm not really Helpful but i Hope things will definitely improve soon! Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @jrae, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!