This is kind of the feeling I’ve had for a few years, that my concerns/feeling of safety etc didn’t matter, and I got told I should just accept or learn to ignore things my (adoptive) dad did that made me uncomfortable.
Possible trigger:
this includes sexual remarks and facial expressions, trying to follow me into the toilet - then not going in when I came out. Trying to pin me down as a 10 year old and kiss me on the lips, just because I - naively - kissed him goodnight like he used to ask each night at that time. I escaped before he could do anything, and he never asked again, though. Being watched or stared at sometimes, including to the point he whined at me once for closing my curtains to get changed for work, when he was outside my window, saying “I’m not going to watch you!” Too right you’re not - I’m not going to give you the chance! I was also hurt, physically, by other kids in front of each of them at different times and it wasn’t stopped, even when I was trying to get away from them. There’s more but that’s the gist of it
I’ve told mum a lot of this stuff and just got a “meh” response, which I’m not sure what to do with. On the one hand I wonder how much stuff like this she’s experienced/endured; on the other, I feel resentful that my feelings/fears over my general sense of safety at home have been dismissed. I even feel guilty at times for not having much of a relationship with dad (which I find weird, but since I was a preteen I distanced myself from him as much as I could).
Hopefully this is the right forum for this, I guess, release of some thoughts/feelings I don’t think I’ve managed to process properly yet. Let’s call it a brain dump
He is an alcoholic, and I’ve blamed the alcohol for most of his actions over the years (maybe wrongly, but who knows?) and I’ve realised my mum is an enabler, to an extent. I’m having some trouble handling the feelings that have arisen from realising some of my best interests in childhood were basically ignored, for whatever reason. I’m angry and upset, and feel a bit betrayed. But still feel guilt for feeling like that! Argh!